How to get unstuck: 10 practical tips to gently move forward in life
When I start working with a client, one of the most common issues people bring is that they feel stuck:
They might be feeling stuck in their jobs and realising that the career path they are on doesn’t give them the fulfilment they thought it would, but they don’t feel qualified to do anything else.
They might be feeling stuck with wanting to introduce good habits, but not being able to make the change consistently despite trying multiple times.
They might be feeling stuck with a side quest or project, where they have lots of ideas but not sure where to start.
They might be feeling stuck with their time and needing more spaciousness but don’t know how to free themselves from their commitments.
They might be feeling stuck with the amount of work they have going on and are feeling overwhelmed by it, but not sure about how to better manage their workload.
Or they could be feeling stuck in a completely different area.
Because feeling stuck can take lots of different guises and it can be focussed on just one area of your life or it can be across lots of different areas.
But usually feeling stuck is a sign that something isn’t aligned anymore and that you have outgrown a part of your life.
Which sounds simple enough.
And yet feeling stuck can bring up a whole range of big emotions, from frustration and anger, to demotivation and even feelings of wanting to run away.
Make it stand out
I always talk about how when I was feeling really stuck in a career that wasn’t serving me I had the biggest urge to buy a campervan and go travelling around Europe. And sure, I love going on holiday and travelling, but living in a campervan is not for me (I’m a girl that likes my personal space and I’m also fond of a routine!)!
So if you are feeling stuck, here are my 10 top tips that will help you to feel more empowered and in control, and like you are back in the driving seat of your life again:
Get super clear on where you are trying to go
The first thing to check is that you are really clear about where you are heading. Because sometimes we just know that what we are currently doing isn’t right for us, but we aren’t sure where we want to get to. And if you don’t know your destination, it makes it really hard to get there!
So spend a bit of time reflecting on what the ideal outcome would be for you, and try to be as specific as possible. If you want a new career, what would your ideal working week look like? If you want more spaciousness in your days, how many hours do you want to free up? And what do you want to be able to do in that time?
Introduce stepping stones
Sometimes when we are feeling stuck it’s because the gap between where we are and where we want to be is just too big. Instead, try defining some stepping stones to aim for along the way. These are mini-milestones that will help you get to where you want to get to, but just in much more manageable stages. So for example, if you want to build a habit of doing yoga 3 times a week, your first mini-milestone could be doing yoga once a week for 6 weeks. Your second mini-milestone would be to get this to two times a week, and then finally to three times a week.
Do some experiments
Another reason that we can often feel stuck is because we feel like we need to have the ‘perfect’ plan or have everything figured out before we can move forward. So instead, why not give yourself permission to be imperfect. I find that taking an experimental mindset is really helpful here. If everything you’re trying is an experiment, the only goal you have is to learn (rather than reaching a specific outcome). So if it doesn’t go to plan, that’s ok as you will still have some really valuable learnings to take forward.
Focus on what you can control
Feeling stuck can also be a result of feeling like you have lost your agency in a situation, especially if you feel like something is happening to you rather than you driving a change. For example if you’ve been asked to work on a new project, or the course you wanted to do to learn a new skill is fully booked. There will always be things that are outside of your control, but there will always be more within your control than you initially thought. So write down a list of the things that you can control and focus your energy on those.
Use your strengths
And something that you can control is your strengths - what skills, knowledge, and experiences do you already have that you can use to your advantage to move forward. If you are good at speaking to people, can you use your network to look for opportunities? Or if you have started a side quest before, what lessons can you apply to help you this time?
Make it stand out
Ask for help
If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. It might be asking for someone to watch the kids whilst you take an hour to make an action plan to get your side project off the ground or asking someone to be your accountability partner to help you to stick to a new habit. Asking for help can feel like a challenge to overcome, but people are often very happy to help as it makes them feel good too!
Celebrate progress
In my experience, one of the best ways to maintain gentle momentum is to celebrate the progress that you have already made. This might be in the form of a weekly, monthly, or quarterly check in, or it might be something less formal. But whichever way you do it, be sure to reflect on how far you have come and celebrate every small step you have taken. Because it’s those small steps that really add up to big progress!
Write yourself a note for when you feel discouraged
This can be a really powerful tool. Write yourself a note that you can read when you are feeling like motivation is waning or for when those feelings of being stuck come back. What encouragement do you want to give yourself at that moment, what piece of advice, or what reminders do you want to write down about why you are doing this in the first place? Then make sure to put the note somewhere you will remember to find it.
Find inspiration
You don’t want to fall into a comparison trap, but equally, finding examples of people who have done what you want to do can be really inspiring. Use them as an example of what is possible for you.
Find the joy in the now
Finally, don’t delay your joy until you have come ‘unstuck’ and have reached your ultimate goal. Because what’s the point if you’re not enjoying the process? Find those simple pleasures that you love and make sure to weave them into your days and weeks. Not only will it make you feel good and ensure your cup is topped up, but it will also help keep the motivation going for the goals you are trying to achieve. This is all about getting unstuck in a joyful and sustainable way!
So these are my 10 hacks to help you stop feeling stuck. You don’t have to do all 10 at once, but I would encourage you to pick one or two and see how you get on. Give them a go and let me know how you do by dropping me an email at emily@emilydaviescoaching.com